A letter write in class for flirtation

Dear T

You know I’m just a barbarian who doesn't care about anything but mountains, gear and cigarettes. Curt, careless, always gruff, fucking everyday. So shameless and arrogant I am that I twine you tightly without thinking whether you are fed up with me or not. 

Actually, I like you at the beginning, before your action and your attention, before the birth of Himalayas even before the existence of this universe, without purpose, motivation and result. Just as water flows and ice thaws my love for you is a matter of course which Should be there in born.

Our initial memory always disturbs me lately. Maybe we “behave well” these day, or,I’m too desirous to permeate you, from those lovely low hills to those thick moist bush, to explore totally, like a serious geologist whose dream is to draw the most precise map in the world. I hope you will agree. Please, cooperate with my work. Nerd and Puppy is begging.

I remember that night you said you were a living death. “I meet guests every weekend like a whore. Nobody cares about me but body and sex.” You said you need someone to pick you up. At that time I was having dinner with my friend. All my topics were about you but I pretended not to hear about your complaints. How clumsy I was that I even didn’t know how to comfort you. Or, I didn’t know, which identity I should take that can give me a qualification to be your side. 

Finally I sat in the backseat of the bus which connected my friend’s college and mine, watching the river view out of the window,unable to control my thought of staying with you forever anymore. I knew you posted something on the media. It’s about that night when we curled up in the quilt aired on the balcony, I bit your fingers in the dark and you bit back as a veiled hint which left me an endless reverie. You said “You are beautiful, we are beautiful.I love you, I love us.” You said, “I love you”. Who’s so fortunate as to get the goddess’ special Love? I was eager to know, but I covered up all the hesitation and tremble. Since stumbling into your net spontaneously like a panicky fawn, I suddenly became a coward unwilling to confirm anything, afraid that one wrong step would make the imago disappear and sent me back to the blank desert.